When I wake with patterned
bruises across my legs,
they say more than, "I'm in pain."
They say, "Look at what
you let happen."
My fingers will dance across
your skin, as if it is cotton candy,
and when we're perspiring
my hand will stick
to your chest
from the coat of melted sugar.
My nails unknowingly tearing
at your muscles,
do nothing for myself
but lay guilt upon me, like bread
covered with butter.
Sinking into my holes.
When I hack out my throat,
there is more than just
a mess. More than just choking.
There is blood,
there is brown.
Thick and sticky like a sour blob
of honey.
Ive played these cat and mouse games, your explanation said.
My mouth began to sputter, I have not had the luck. But, with luck,
I quickly closed my gaping hole - keeping it to myself.
When I yelled, about wanting another, I detested my voice.
It was not what I had intended to say.
My bl
I dont care what you do with your memories,
there is no need to announce it.
You probably want to scrub yourself clean,
peeling them off like filthy layers of skin.
I know where mine go; where the postage mark is getting stamped to.
The images from our bedrooms,
their getting tossed into a box,
clambering among my dreams of flying.
Waiting patiently with utter fantasy, there is some reality to keep it company.
I never have to know what you look like bare,
searching for your clothes, as I watch, praying you only lay back down.
I will never truly remember what it was you giggled about,
hidden in safety underneath sheets and
It isnt the thought that counts.
If it was, then wed be falling through heavens,
our arms like drapery, surrounding each other.
What you do holds more than what you say,
and what you do makes my breaths come shorter,
shoulders caving in while my stomachs pushed outward,
leaving bruises on my thoughts.
These blood-marks hurt my judgment to the point
where I dont know what I want.
I can see that you dont know what you want.
Its not something new, I dont begrudge you for it.
Im not upset over it, but it hurts
to not know where you stand in someones life.
(Are you the gravita
From all the shit you write about me,
I can tell you are upset.
Youre trying to come up with witty one-liners and memorable stanzas,
but youll only be infamous as a coward.
Its true, Im happier without you.
Im happier not wanting to go back to my old habits
[the ones Id promise you Id never do again,
The same ones you made me want to savor again.]
You can quit playing the victim,
quit playing like I cheated on anything.
Anyone who knows the truth can vouch,
this was a long time coming.
I dont mind if you whine
or complain on how bad you have it.
I still loved you when it ende
I cannot fly, not even to sweep through
to pick you up.
While you are stuck on your own,
unable to carry shining armor.
The best I can do is watch your skin become rosy,
heavy lids showing their gratitude.
But you need to know thats the most intimate Ive gotten -
Itd be nice to receive reciprocation.
So Ill feel your heart pounding through your chest,
hitting my face like the tower turned oclock.
Relishing it all as my fingernail trails down -
When your lungs suck air in, stomach pulling up,
my fingers hasten back home.
I dont want to be swept off my feet,
but the damsel-in-distress functio
I grab at you, and we pull each other close.
Your lips on my neck, and Im thankful.
Looking up into your eyes,
I smile we know this isnt allowed.
We know this makes it harder for you to decide.
I pull away, crossing my arms with an apologetic smile.
You turn, walking around the corner, and I hear you stop.
You wait for me. (As I am already waiting for you)
Close the distance, breathe you in.
Your fingers run along my arms,
appreciating me with your words and hands.
Embrace. Kiss lightly, save for the lips. (Thats crossing the line.)
But it doesnt matter, you are mine in this moment.
I take ad
Your sly smile and my hinting eyes
trail up the stairway.
We wont fight it some things are just too difficult.
I break, I cave, I give in, I admit defeat,
I cannot keep from your welcoming scent.
I satisfy myself from the days of detachment.
The shrugs and turning dont fool me,
I trace your steps.
You wait for me I come to you.
I push, I hold, I kiss, I rub. Your hands clutch me into your body.
For however selfish I am, I know this is hard.
Its full-force, heavy-with-lead, desire.
We shouldnt be doing this, we both know that.
But youre not sober, and Im not kind.
Ill us
His voice is drowned in my screams
While the stars shed black tears
I pause in the darkness
His name carved in stone
When he left, mine was no longer
Mangled, ripped, on the cold cement
The haunting willow now breathes to me
The cure for my living is his death
But the dead birds sing to me still
Veins erupt, spreading lonliness
Nerves are ripped from the body making emptiness
Now lieing, hollowed without care
For every hurt he made
My flesh was scorned with fiery metal
The black butterfly passes my thoughts, sobbing
This is my heart, or not
you are more like a pulse
jirating and dehydrating
across far away lands,
hello little lungs, I am sorry
you are so afraid of what I will do next
of how I strangle you
with cigarettes, and you, skin,
you fear me, you fear how I do not eat
for days on end and make you cling
to dry bone.
This is what happens, you see
every so often, I get a little crazy, a little sad
and I claw to things, I crawl with my hips
and shoulders. I scratch my fingers across raw wood
thinking maybe, this time will blow my heart
into relapse. Oh, I am so sad. Oh, you will be there any time.
Oh, help me.
I sit here, with my
2008 is at a close and I'm satisfied with where I sit in life, for the most part.
I don't have any resolutions, I just want to go with it and try to make everything bigger and better.
Stay safe tonight, all. And stay warm. C:
Happy New Years Eve!
I consistently have writer's block. I'm getting sick of it.
And the only way I've found to rid myself of it is to feel an extreme amount of passion, and my only source now is, to sum it up, inconsistent.
Hmph.
Don't despair, I know I'm not missed all too much.
My love to all. :blowkiss:
Senior Project Presentations are over for me. Holy crap. One step closer to graduating.
I don't have to finish Civics.
I do have to finish Ancient World History.
I do have to teach an acting class for 4 days.
I do have a radio interview with our local station at the end of this month.
I have a banquet to go to tomorrow night.
I may be getting an apartment starting this summer with a friend. And holy shit, it would be amazing. Now, we only need to get some full-time jobs......
Last night me and a bunch of friends had a bon-fire/camping adventure out at The Point. Good thing it was really close to Super America because we got grape Swi